How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
