Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
