Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
