Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
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