I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
