you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
