I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
