my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
