remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
