actually, I'm a sock model
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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