remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
