I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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