Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
