somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
