there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
