I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
