I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
