I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
