Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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