its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
