oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
