i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
