he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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