Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
