Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
