rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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