remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
