i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
there is puke in my bra ... again
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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