Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
