So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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