If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
