life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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