i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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