I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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