you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
