Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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