I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
