Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
