Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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