This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
