Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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