Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Text me some of your sweat
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