I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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