I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
