If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
