I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
