frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
