sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
