I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
