We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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