i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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