I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
