Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
