Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
