I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
